Unfreeze
by Readwriter3
Summary: Did Rory and Logan ever really want to say goodbye? A Rogan reaction to AYITL.


**A/N: I wrote this as a reaction to AYITL. There might be a more fleshed out fanfic, but what the story is hasn't come to me yet. In the mean time, this is what I have.**

* * *

Logan didn't mind being her savior. It was the object of his life to make Rory Gilmore smile, and if that's all he ever amounted to, he would have been happy.

But boy if she didn't make it so goddamn hard.

 _They had reconnected in London on a whim. Fate brought them together on a rainy day, both seeking shelter and a cup of coffee in the same pub. She hadn't even noticed him come in, she was so intently writing on her computer, stopping every now and then to absentmindedly sip from the steaming cup of coffee next to her. Logan sat watching from the bar as she grimaced a little every time the cup left her mouth. Coffee from a London pub probably did not meet her high standards. But it was something._

 _God, she looked just as beautiful as she had the day he walked away from her on the lawn at Yale eight years ago. How stupid he had been to propose to her like that, then, in that way, and then to give her an ultimatum. Though they had both been younger then, Logan knew he'd acted only out of hurt pride and the stabbing pain of heartbreak. The love of his life had rejected him. So he left. But he never stopped loving her._

 _"I have a French press back at my apartment," he said, coming to stand in front of her table._

 _Rory's hands paused over the keys. She raised her head slowly, her gaze traveling up from the brown leather shoes flush against the table leg, to the tight fitting slacks and crisp, white collared shirt under the suit jacket of one Logan Huntzberger._

 _"Logan…" she said, meeting his gaze, her voice full of wonder._

 _He pulled up a chair and sat down._

 _Rory was still too stunned to speak._

 _He sat smirking at her, admitting internally how much he liked making her speechless._

 _"You have a French heiress back at your apartment?" Rory stuttered finally._

 _Logan's brow twitched. How could she possibly know about Odette? But then he realized she had misheard him. "A French_ press _. It makes pretty good coffee. Better than this swill, anyway."_

 _Rory looked down at her half-empty cup, then back at Logan. "What are you doing here?"_

 _"I could ask you the same. At least I've worked on this continent before."_

 _"I've been here on and off for a year. I'm sort of freelancing right now. Which you'd know if you had accepted my friend request."_

 _She tried not to sound bitter about that. It had been a few years since she had said no to his proposal but she had never stopped loving him. She just hadn't been able to commit in the way that he wanted when he wanted it. She decided to extend an olive branch, to test the waters after all the years and see how mad at her he still was by finding him on Facebook and reaching out. But he never responded._

 _Logan hid his lack of surprise well. He'd read every piece she ever put out, he knew exactly what she had been up to. "I didn't need Facebook to keep track of your career." But he needed her not to see how reclusive he had become since they broke up, working more than he ever had. Selling his company in California after only a year because living in the house he had bought for them, living the life they were supposed to be living together without her, had been too hard. He couldn't bear her knowing how he had jumped at his father's suggestion that he move to London for good this time and work on expanding abroad the family business he would one day take over. He dutifully went to every dinner and blind date his father set up for him, Mitchum hoping to find one person Logan could bring to work functions and society gatherings, whose work would never overshadow his son's and who knew exactly how to dress and what to say to the right people at the right time. Logan let his father dictate his life for him in ways he never had before because there didn't seem much a point in fighting it. He was never going to have the love of his life. It was easier to fall in line with the dynastic plan._

 _"That's not why I wanted to reconnect I…you know, that coffee sounds good."_

 _Logan smiled, and watched as she packed up her things. It was surreal to him, to have Rory Gilmore in his limousine on the way to his apartment after all these years._

 _Rory walked around the contemporary and gray-toned apartment in silence while Logan brewed the coffee. "You live here?" she asked somewhat incredulously._

 _Logan turned to her with two steaming mugs of coffee in hand. "Only when I'm not in the States. Impressed?"_

 _Rory took her coffee from him. "It seems so…cold. Nothing like where we lived at Yale."_

 _His heart warmed at her remembering their first apartment they had together._

 _Rory took a sip of her drink. "That's good coffee," she commented, tracing her hands over the walls as she walked by them. She stopped in her tracks at a framed picture on the wall of her and Logan from their first Life and Death Brigade event. The camera captured their smiles, though their faces were mostly shielded by their umbrellas, as they jumped from the scaffolding._

 _Logan looked over her shoulder. She turned to him to question why he'd kept the photo if he had been so angry when they broke up, why he chose to display it in his kitchen. She had a gasp caught in her throat and when she turned to him, he caught her lips on his._

 _She pulled away. "Logan…"_

 _He looked down at the floor, sheepish. "I'm sorry, I—"_

 _She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Don't be sorry, it's not like I haven't dreamed of that happening, I_

 _just—"_

 _"You've thought about us?"_

 _She faltered for a second, surprised he even had to ask. "Of course I have, Logan. Every day. Every day since you walked away from me. From us."_

 _"I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened that way, any of it. We deserved more after all the time we put into it. You deserved more. But I was angry and heartbroken. The only thing I won't apologize for is how much I loved you. Love you."_

 _God, she had waited so long to hear him say it. She kissed him this time, more forcefully than before. Their breath started to come in shallower._

" _Maybe we should catch up first…" she said, breaking away again._

 _Logan steadied himself. "What do you need to know?"_

 _Rory bit her lip. "_ Isn't _there a French heiress?"_

 _Logan sighed. Of course she would have seen the engagement announcement. It had been in every major newspaper. "Yes. But I don't love her and she doesn't love me. Family obligations and all that. She lives in Paris and I'm here. One thing she isn't is stupid. We kind of have an open arrangement until the wedding."_

 _Rory nodded, understanding._

" _You mean to tell me no one else has stolen that heart of yours after all this time?" Logan had to ask._

" _There was no heart to steal. I gave it to you a long time ago. There's a…Paul…but I don't love him like he loves me."_

 _Logan kissed her again. The rest of the details they could figure out later, after the clothes came off._

That had all been two years ago. Two years they carried on with their Vegas arrangement, falling more in love with each other than they ever had, but both too scared to do anything permanent about it.

The plane ride back to London after the Mr. Toad ride nearly killed him. Holding her in his mind in a freeze frame was supposed to sustain him for the rest of his days? It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. But she never asked him to stay. A man could only take being rejected so many times.

He walked into the apartment late. There was no Ace waiting, just Odette. He thought she'd be asleep. But she was wide awake, sitting on the couch with a half-empty glass of red wine and an expended bottle sitting on the coffee table. She was in a zipper up and sweatpants; her makeup was smeared halfway down her face. Logan had never seen her so unkempt. She would never let him.

She turned her head to look her fiancé dead in the eye when he walked in. "I really didn't think you'd come back here."

He dropped his bag, pressing his lips together. So Odette knew.

He slumped next to her on the couch. To her credit, she didn't move away.

"Did I ever mean anything to you?" She begged an answer of him.

He did feel bad. He didn't realize it would affect her like this, his fooling around. His loving another woman. He couldn't reduce Rory to the "side chick" image she was so intent on cultivating. He and Odette had had an arrangement as much as he and Rory did.

Logan took Odette's hand. "Of course you did. I know our dads set us up, but I genuinely enjoyed your company. Until Ace…Rory came back into my life, I thought I'd be happy enough with you. Even if I didn't love you and you didn't love me. But being with her again taught me that life is too short not to spend every minute of it being as happy as possible."

She sniffed back the remnants of her tears. She took a big slug of wine. "What does that feel like? To be in love?"

Logan's heart broke. This marriage was a way out for Odette, too. An answer to ending the constant social pressures being born into the families they were came along with.

"I can't explain it. It's…being so purely content because there is one person out there who understands you so deeply you have an otherworldly connection. It's knowing there's someone who would go to the ends of the earth to make sure you're happy. We don't have that. And it would be selfish of me to go through with this wedding, because I would be depriving you of the opportunity to one day find that."

Odette nodded silently. She was jealous of Logan even while she felt affection for him. She would have been okay with "happy enough." Logan was a good guy, she was lucky that he was the match she was set up with. She knew he would have tried his hardest to make something out of the nothing of their marriage in a way most others in their circles wouldn't have. And because of that she loved him in a non-romantic way, and wanted him to be as happy as he could be.

"You can say you called off the engagement if it makes this easier. Or whatever you want. I'll say whatever you want, do whatever you want. I'll publish any statement you want me to."

Odette set her wine glass down and zipped up her sweatshirt. "Thank you. For tonight, I think I'd like you to go."

"Go?" he asked. He was exhausted. He'd sleep on the couch, obviously. But he hadn't been prepared for getting kicked out.

Odette scoffed. "Yes, Logan. Go. Just get out. I'm tired of making believe. I'm tired of pretending that you're out of the country on a business trip, that you're taking some important business call at two in the morning. That 'Ace' isn't a cute nickname for the love of your life, but instead some code word for some business thing I can't know about. I can't share this space with you anymore. It's just too hard."

Logan nodded, understanding. He dropped a kiss on her cheek and said goodbye, taking his bag from where he had left it by the door. But when he got into the hallway there was only one place he could think of to go, only one place he really wanted to be.

* * *

The words were still ringing in Rory's ears, the ones she had said to her mother moments after her fairytale wedding to Luke. Her mother's shocked expression suspended the syllables in the air between them for impossibly long seconds.

 _Lorelai drew Rory into a hug and let her cry into her shoulder. Lorelai did everything she wished her mother had done for her thirty-two years ago._

 _"Aw, honey, it's okay. So it wasn't part of the plan. But neither were you. And my life turned out pretty great," Lorelai reassured her daughter._

 _Rory looked at her with watery eyes. "You're not disappointed in me?"_

 _Lorelai shrugged. "How could I be disappointed in you? You're in a rough patch with your career, it happens. So you're not married. But you're thirty-two years old, you make your own decisions. I know you'll make the right ones here. And I'm here for you, no matter what."_

 _Rory dropped her head into her hands. "I'm so scared."_

 _Lorelai rubbed her daughter's back. "It's a little scary. But it becomes less scary. You learn by doing. You're gonna be a great mom. With or without Logan."_

 _Rory looked at her mother, the picture of calm when Rory was barely holding it together. "I went to dad. A day after I found out. I didn't tell him in so many words, but I asked him how he felt about you raising me alone and he said that this was exactly what was supposed to happen."_

 _Lorelai nodded. "I think he's right. But your dad isn't Logan. We were sixteen. I had to take care of you, walking away wasn't an option. Moms don't get that luxury. Your dad wasn't ready to be a dad. But Logan is thirty three, he's independently successful. It can be so much different for you guys, if you want it to be."_

 _"I don't know if I want it to be."_

 _"Do you love him?"_

 _Rory nodded. "So much. I never stopped. But he's engaged, they're getting married in a month."_

 _"Tell him, Rory. At least give him the option to decide. Your dad had a choice and he made it. Luke didn't. Don't give him or your kid a reason to hate you by taking this away from him."_

 _"But if I tell him and he leaves her, I'll never know if he wanted to be with me because of the baby or because he loves me."_

 _"You'll know. You'll know it by how he acts. Listen, you know I didn't always like the guy, but how many people traipse across continents and take midnight phone calls for the 'side chick'? I'm not saying he'll stick around for sure, but I think he's a much different guy than I used to think."_

 _Rory wiped her eyes. "I ruined your wedding."_

 _Lorelai rolled her eyes. "You didn't ruin anything. Try and cheer up and enjoy the party. Maybe it will take your mind off of this for a while."_

 _The real ceremony went off without a hitch and the town was none the wiser that they had missed the actual nuptials_.

The next morning, the words were still haunting Rory as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't told anyone except her mother. She fiddled with her cellphone, debating on how to tell Logan. Her mother was right; he at least deserved to know. It was the perfect time to call him—he'd just be sitting down to his desk at work. No distractions. No reason not to pick up the phone.

Rory went to the kitchen for some coffee. That always cleared her head. She hesitated a second before pouring herself a cup—she wasn't sure if coffee was on the list of acceptable foods for pregnant women. Poptarts probably weren't, either. But that didn't stop her from bringing the box of strawberry ones into the living room with her. She flipped on the TV. It was too quiet in the house with Lorelai and Luke gone on their honeymoon. Just her and Paul Anka left her too much time to be alone with her thoughts.

Rory dialed Logan's number ten times, deleting the digits before hitting "call" every time. She made deals with herself. After this commercial, when this movie was over, after she walked Paul Anka, she would tell him.

There was a knock on the door. Rory froze. She wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe it was Jess. Oh god, Jess. How would she tell Jess? He didn't know she saw him gazing at her through the window, but she'd caught him just as he turned away. She had been happy with where their friendship was, especially now that Luke and Lorelai were married. It would make things so much less awkward to know the romantic tension was finally gone after all these years. It was for her, and he hadn't let on otherwise. Hadn't he learned after all these years of watching Luke and Lorelai that he just had to be straight with her?

She went to the door, preparing to tell all of this to Jess. She opened the door, an artillery of protest on her tongue.

Logan was on the other side of the door, breathless.

Rory's mouth dropped open. "Did you run here from the airport?"

Logan didn't answer; he just drew her in for a long, bruising kiss. "I love you. I shouldn't have let you say goodbye. Because I don't want to say goodbye."

Rory was shocked. At least now she knew if they stayed together, it wouldn't just be because of the baby. "What about Odette?"

Logan shook his head. "Don't you get it? I've been waiting the better part of this year to hear you ask me not to marry her, Rory. But I couldn't wait anymore. I broke it off. Maybe you don't love me, and that's why you didn't ask. But this past year suggests otherwise. And even if you don't, being with you these past two years showed me it's not worth lying to myself anymore."

"Logan, I do love you. But you had your whole life together and it never seemed fair of me to ask. Especially since I ended it the first time."

"And the second," Logan said, smirking. He shivered in the air.

"Oh, sorry. Come in," Rory said, stepping aside so Logan could get warm in the house.

He turned to her once inside, smirking. "So you were saying you love me?"

Rory smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. "I have to tell you something."

"I've heard everything I need to," he said holding her around the waist, impossibly happy that this was finally happening.

"Not quite," she said, leading him to the couch and forcing him to sit down.

Logan didn't care what it was, he couldn't stop smiling. He had his Ace back and she loved him, too.

Rory cleared her throat. "Do you remember that night in New Hampshire?"

"Of course, how could I forget?"

"Well you certainly won't now. I'm pregnant."

Logan's heart skipped a beat. "And it's…"

"Yours," she finished. "There hasn't been anyone else since then."

Logan sat back trying to catch his breath.

"If you want to go back to Odette, to your carefully planned and ordered life, I'll understand, even if I won't like it. But I thought you should know."

Logan snapped his head toward her. "No, Rory, I don't want that. I'm just…processing it all. I've waited nine years to be with and have a family with you. I'm getting both in one day. It's a lot to take in. But not in a bad way. How are you feeling?"

Rory couldn't help a smile. "I'm okay. Better now that I've told you. A little scared and confused. There's so much to sort through—"

Logan kissed her, reassuring her. "I know. But we have time. I'm not going anywhere. We'll figure it out together."

Rory caught her breath. "I've waited so long to hear you say that."

"Me too," Logan concluded.

They sat in silence.

"So," Logan said after a while. "Breakfast?"

"Breakfast sounds good," Rory said.

"Now the last time you said that, you abandoned me shortly after," Logan said.

Rory smiled. "I know. But this time, I'm really not going anywhere."


End file.
